You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
