My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
