I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
