every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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