I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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