I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
