it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
