this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
