mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it hurts more in the daytime
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
