so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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