quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
