I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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