Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
