i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
