I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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