We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
