Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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