You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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