yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
