Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it hurts more in the daytime
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
