She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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