Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i've created a new STD.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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