My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
