I just threw up on my dentist
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
