Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
