If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
