i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
