Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
