he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
