i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
