ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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