my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
