He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
