Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
