New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
zippers are such a cool invention
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
