Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
