So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just pee around me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
