i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
how drunk are you?
Several
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
