Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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