hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
