Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
