I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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