The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
