you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
