SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
