He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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