Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Less talking, more tequila
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
