his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
