we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
