just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
